DPDR: What Does It Feel Like?

Have you ever looked around and suddenly felt like the world wasn't real? Like you were watching your life through someone else's eyes, living in a dream, or disconnected from yourself and everything around you? Have you ever looked at your own hands and felt like they didn't belong to you? Or felt like your words, thoughts, or movements were happening on autopilot?

If you have, you're not alone.

Derealisation and depersonalisation (DPDR) would have to be the most unsettling and terrifying symptoms of anxiety I have ever experienced. When it first started, I genuinely thought I was losing my mind.

I was eventually diagnosed with a dissociative disorder, but looking back, I can remember experiencing dissociation as a child too. There were moments where the world around me suddenly didn't feel real. Everything felt strange and unfamiliar, but I was just a kid and had no idea how to explain what I was feeling. I would tell my mum that I felt sick because it was the only way I knew how to communicate what was happening.

Before I talk more about my experience with DPDR, I want to put your mind at ease. Maybe you've been experiencing this for a while now, or maybe it's completely new, and you're terrified that something is seriously wrong.

Think of DPDR as noise-cancelling headphones. When your surroundings become too loud, noise-cancelling headphones reduce some of that input to make it feel more manageable. DPDR is thought to work similarly. When the brain senses that we're under extreme stress or overwhelmed, it can create a sense of detachment from ourselves or our surroundings as a protective response. It's the brain's way of trying to shield us from emotional overload. The feeling is terrifying, but it cannot harm you. I know... It's incredibly ironic, because for many of us, DPDR is the very thing that makes us panic even more.

My experience with DPDR has definitely been up and down. I'll start with derealisation.

I was once stuck in a dissociative state 24/7 for months, where the world just didn't feel real. I didn't feel real, and it felt like my life was fake. I would look at people I had known for years, yet they somehow looked and felt unfamiliar. I've also experienced very severe episodes of DPDR during extreme panic attacks. During these episodes, I feel completely out of my body. My surroundings feel foreign, and I genuinely feel like I'm on the verge of passing out. I also get random episodes that seem to come out of nowhere. They can last anywhere from a few seconds to several minutes, and suddenly everything just feels... off.

Depersonalisation is such a hard feeling to explain, especially to someone who has never experienced it before. There have been moments where I've genuinely questioned whether what I was doing was even real. For example, a few weeks ago I was putting clean sheets on my bed when, all of a sudden, I was hit with this overwhelming wave of unreality. I was thinking, Is this even me? Am I actually making the bed right now, or is this a dream? My hands didn’t look or feel like my own. It was absolutely terrifying. There have also been times when I've avoided looking in the mirror because it felt like I was looking at someone else through my own eyes, or looking at myself through someone else's eyes. It's one of the strangest and most unsettling feelings I've ever experienced.

Sometimes my DPDR happens completely out of nowhere. Other times, I have noticed certain triggers over the years.

Bright lights and open spaces are two of my biggest triggers. Being in a supermarket, shopping centre, or any shop with bright lighting can set off my DPDR almost immediately. The combination of the bright lights, large spaces, and lots of visual information can make me suddenly feel disconnected from myself and my surroundings. Being a teacher, I also found playground duty to be a big trigger for me. Standing outside in a bright, open space surrounded by noise and movement would make my DPDR feel incredibly intense. Students would come up and speak to me, but it felt like they were talking right through me because I didn't feel fully present or like I was really there.

So, is there a way out?

Well, if there is, I'm still finding my way there. I am no longer stuck in a constant 24/7 state of dissociation, but DPDR still comes to say hello at least once a day.

However, here is what I have learnt along the way.

A lot of people on social media, and even my psychologist, would say that you need to allow the feeling to be there and stop fighting it. For a very long time, I honestly didn't understand what this meant or how it could help. I kept thinking that sounds much easier said than done.

But learning to allow the feeling to be there has been one of the most powerful things I have done. The more you focus on the sensation, try desperately to feel "normal" again, or constantly check whether the feeling has gone away yet, the more your brain learns that the feeling must be something dangerous that needs your attention.

Alternatively, when DPDR shows up, acknowledge it and allow it to be there while continuing with what you were doing. You don't have to like the feeling, and you don't have to pretend it's not scary. The goal is simply to teach your brain that this sensation is uncomfortable, but not dangerous.

Now, if you're anything like me, sometimes the feeling can become so intense that it turns into full-blown panic, with that terrifying sensation that you're genuinely going to pass out. In those moments, it isn't always realistic to just continue what you're doing, especially if you're standing in the middle of a busy shop.

If you need to, stop what you're doing, sit down, and practise a grounding exercise.

A simple one I like to do is choose an object, person, or anything in your surroundings and describe every detail about it. This helps shift your attention away from the sensation and gives your brain a chance to reconnect with the present moment before gently returning to what you were doing.

For example, you might notice a woman walking past in a shop. You can describe her in your head: She has brown hair, she's wearing a pink jacket, she's holding two shopping bags, and they look heavy. She is walking slowly and looking at the shelves.

You can do this with anything around you - a chair, a sign, a plant, a person, or even the details of your own surroundings. Notice the colours, shapes, textures, sounds, and little details. Do this as many times as you need to. The goal isn't to force the DPDR to disappear instantly, but to remind yourself that you are here, in the present moment, and safe.

Again, this can sound a lot easier said than done, and these strategies aren't always going to work perfectly every single time. There will be moments where the sensation feels overwhelming, and that's okay. The more you practise these strategies, the more confident and equipped you will feel when DPDR shows up again. You are teaching your brain that this feeling is uncomfortable, but it is not dangerous.

The feeling will pass.

It cannot hurt you.

You are going to be okay.

You are real.

You are here.

The world is real.